Sirius Orion Black, The SOB
by Zenelia
Summary: The Marauders get on the topic of middle names, and some interesting conversations ensue. What does Sirius do when he realizes what his initials could stand for? Rated for language.


**A/N;** So, I've been trying to write crackfics for a while now. I don't think I'm very funny outside of my head, but ya know, you can't blame a girl for trying. This was spawned from me and my friends trying to sound out our initials. Let's just say, we had some interesting results, just as our Maraudery friends here. Yepp. . . Enjoy!

**Disclaimer;** I own nothing, except the idea. And the sounding-out of Moony's initials. I actually sat here and sounded it out. . . I think my mom thought I was dying when she heard me, heh.

* * *

"Let's see here. . . Why do we have to sign with our initials?" Sirius asked as the Marauders were standing in line, filling out forms for their upcoming N.E.W.T.S.

"I dunno. Because we already signed once with our full names?" James guessed.

"Bingo! And the sad part about that is that you just guessed," Remus said, filling out his own paper.

"I don't like my initials. JAP. It's like. . . what the some people call Japanese people. Or was that just the Americans in that Muggle war from the 40's?" James said, looking up.

"It astounds me how you know about World War II, yet you know nothing about anything we learned in History of Magic since first year. But that is rather odd. RJL. You couldn't make anything out of my name." Remus finished filling out his paper, signing it with a flourish.

"Yours would me ruh-juh-el, Moony. We should start calling you that. Prongs will be Jap, and you'll be Ruh-juh-el," Sirius cackled, almost knocking over his ink bottle.

"Watch it!" Remus said, moving said ink bottle out of the way of danger. "And no, you may not refer to me as 'Ruh-juh-el.' It's 'Moony' or 'Remus,' and that's it!"

"I would rather stick to 'James' or 'Prongs,' too, Padfoot. No offense, they're great nicknames. . . But we already have nicknames. . .," James said, trying not to feel like he was getting onto his best mate.

"Fine, be that way," Sirius said, pouting.

"Aren't you going to enlighten us as to what your initials-inspired name would be? You never talk about your middle name." What Remus spoke was truth; Sirius didn't like talking about his name, simply because it was a repeat of one from his family. And that just opened a whole new can of worms, which he didn't like discussing either. So, he just kept silent on the whole subject.

"Eh. It's nothing special," he smoothly side-stepped.

"If it's anything like your brother's name, it is. I mean, 'Regulus Arcturus.' What were your parents on when they named him?" James asked, knowing Sirius would hit him for it, but couldn't help.

And Sirius _did_ hit James, upside the head. "How do you know his middle name anyways?"

"It's on that list over there for O.W.L. students taking the tests tomorrow," James replied, pointing with one hand, rubbing his head with the other.

Sirius' head whipped around to see where James was pointing. His face fell, then held a scowl. "Oh. Yeah, he would be taking his O.W.L's this year, I suppose."

"Anyways. . .," Remus said, after a slightly awkward silence fell upon the three. Sirius always got weird when his family was even remotely involved, and the other two didn't always know how to react.

"Psst. Padfoot," Prongs said, acting as if nothing had just happened.

"What?"

"What's your middle name?"

"It's Or—wait a moment. I'm not telling you."

"It's Or-something-or-other! Now we know it starts with an "Or"! Ahah!" James jumped up, pointing in Sirius' face.

"Eh? N-n-no, it doesn't!" Sirius tried to cover up, but knew it was no use.

"Don't deny it, Pads. You just gave at least part of it away," Remus said, a smirk on his face, as James started trying to name off names that began with "Or."

"And so what if I did? I'm sure there are plenty of names that begin with "or". My middle name can't be the only one."

"Orangutan! Origami! ORANGE! YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS ORANGE!"

"No, Prongs, my middle name is not Orange. Nor is it Orangutan, or Origami. Would you stop guessing? You're not going to get it right. Not going in that direction, at least."

"You know," Remus cut in, "if you just tell us, he'd stop. You might even get a pinky swear from him not to make fun of your mercilessly, or to tell anyone."

"Yes, I'd pinky swear to all those things! And you know you can't break a pinky swear; they're completely legit!"

Sirius gave both of them a look. "Fine, fine. Pinkies, my friends." He held out each of his pinkies.

They all linked pinkies together, and Sirius said, "Now, you promise not to make fun of me mercilessly, nor to tell a single soul or journal my middle name."

"We swear," James and Remus said together.

They let go, and looked at Sirius. "Orion. My middle name is Orion. Just like the constellation."

"Dude, your family is obsessed with naming their kids after astronomy," was all James said.

"Which is ironic, considering you almost failed Astronomy in first year because you kept falling asleep at your telescope," Remus added.

James looked in deep thought now. "Wait a . . . That makes your initials S.O.B., doesn't it? Like son-of-a-bitch!" Then he began laughing.

And so did Sirius and Remus.

After he calmed down, Sirius said, "So my good-for-nothing parents did something right! They named me Sirius Orion so I could be S.O.B., since my mum is a bitch! Oh, that's great." He wiped away the tears that had gathered at the edge of his eyes in his mirth.

"That is, that is," Remus said, also wiping his eyes. James was still doubled over in laughter.

"People of Hogwarts!" Sirius called, standing on the chair just as Professor McGonagall was coming around to collect their forms. "I am Sirius Orion Black! Son Of a Bi—"

"Mr. Black, I would great appreciate if you did _not_ vocalize the rest of that thought, and if you would step down for your chair," McGonagall said, tapping her foot as she stood next to Sirius' table.

"Ah, but that's no fun, Minnie! Where's your sense of humor?" Sirius said, still standing upon his chair.

"There are many things wrong with those statements, Mr. Black. First of all, do as I told, or 5 points from Gryffindor. Second, you are not at the liberty to address me by my given name, which is not 'Minnie!'"

"Fine, fine," Sirius complained, stepping down.

"Thank you." McGonagall got their papers, and dismissed them from the Great Hall.

"I wonder if I can get people to start calling me The Son of a Bitch . . .," Sirius mused aloud, as they walked outside.

James just laughed, as Remus sighed and shook his head. "Oh, the people I call my friends. . ."

"You know you love us, Moony! Besides, I bet I could," Sirius managed to get out, before he ran off to their Beech tree, chasing off some first years like an over-enthusiastic puppy.

* * *

**A/N;** Note: I don't know if English wizards from the 70's know what pinky swears are, but it worked itself into the story. And I pictured James' middle name being 'Alex' or any masculine variation thereof. So that's where the 'A' came from. :]

Oh! Did you like? Did it make you laugh? I thought it was rather funny. There were a bit out of character bits, and some intense dialogue, but oh well. Reviews make me happy! :]

-Zenelia*Sky


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